by Rachel Kiel
My uncle says there is definitely free will.
He’s not saying why, but he sits at the table,
resolute, and that gives me some kind of hope.
According to my dad we are asking the
wrong questions. He says that to have a soul
and to not have one amount to pretty much
the same thing. He uses words to tell me
that it’s the words that are the problem.
My boyfriend says that biological determinism
is a trap. Then he holds me so that I feel
dangerously female, want to stay inside the
dungeon of gender forever. I want to have
his children in particular, and tolerate
his biologically determined affairs.
Buying deodorant at the chain store pharmacy
there are those magazines again. The one for
married women is about how to keep your
husband. There is no magazine for married men,
just one for unmarried ones, about the dangers
of becoming married.
On the way out, I buy no magazines, but two
different kinds of trail mix. I choose the one
with the almonds that have that horrible chemical
taste. And I lift them to my teeth anyway,
until I am nearly sick, thanking god for
my free will, and for my arms, and my mouth.
Musical Contribution: “Television Waltz”
In Their Own Words
“I sing the lead vocal on this recording, which was made at the Rubber Room Studio in Chapel Hill, NC. It features my friends and bandmates Patrick Dyer-Wolf on guitar and organ, Omar Ruiz-Lopez on viola, and Catherine Steele on acoustic bass. ‘Television Waltz’ will most likely be the title track on my second album, which will be released in the fall of 2011.”
Rachel Kiel grew up listening extensively to her parents’ record collection in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. She studied poetry and music at Wesleyan University, and after college worked on farms in Maine and in offices in Boston. Rachel currently lives in Carrboro, NC, where she teaches rhythm tap dancing and plays locally in several bands. She has released one album of original songs, Table Manners, and is working on another, tentatively titled Television Waltz.